Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
