you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
