Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
