Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
