I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The air was thick with penises
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
