The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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