Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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