the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Houston, we have a blender
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
