Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
