just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
