I don't have enough holes for all these australians
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
