You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
