She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
