My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
