Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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