we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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