I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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