its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ketchup is God's man juice
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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