you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
