I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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