ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
