Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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