Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
