Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
