the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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