she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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