oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
bring money and cleavage
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
