i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
