my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
