she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
