He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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