its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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