dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
