eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
