the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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