I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
