$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
