I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
