THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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