I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
