Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
