I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
