Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
