You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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