My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
