3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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