I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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