Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
