I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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