I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
