i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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