and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The best revenge is premature balding
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
