I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just google imaged poop.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
