How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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