Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
