it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
