I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
