she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
