...so i touched it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
