That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
