I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
